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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22531258">Brooklyn Nine Nine's Finest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracusfyre/pseuds/dracusfyre'>dracusfyre</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Brooklyn Nine Nine AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidentally High, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe- Brooklyn Nine Nine, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Drunken Confessions, Established Relationship, M/M, Undercover Missions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:29:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,088</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22531258</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracusfyre/pseuds/dracusfyre</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>James, Tony, and Natasha go on an undercover mission in a nightclub to catch a crime ring and Tony makes a confession while under the influence.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Brooklyn Nine Nine AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621051</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Tony Stark Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Brooklyn Nine Nine's Finest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the Tony Stark Bingo adopted prompt: "Undercover in a Gay Bar," bingo card #3006.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What in God’s name are you wearing?” James said in his ear, sounding both amused and appalled.</p>
<p>Tony put a hand on his waist and cocked his hip. “You like it?” He didn’t know where James was in this crowded nightclub, with its loud music and flashing lights, but he hoped he was enjoying the view. Tony was wearing tight, shiny gold booty shorts which he <em>knew</em> he still had the ass for, thank you very much, and a mesh see through shirt in a hot-rod red with matching heels. His hair was spiked with hair gel and he had even shaved off his goatee for this undercover assignment, making him look five years younger.</p>
<p>“Is this another one of your thrift store finds?”</p>
<p>“Bite your tongue,” Tony said, making his way to the bar, hips swaying effortlessly as he walked. He hoped James was still watching, because Tony had always looked great in heels. His ankles were going to be killing him tomorrow, but it would be worth it if James liked what he was seeing. “I still had these in my closet from my tragically misspent youth. They’re <em>designer.</em>”</p>
<p>“Just because they’re designer doesn’t mean they’re classy,” Natasha chimed in, reminding Tony that they were all on an open comm channel.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t going for classy, I was going for available.” Tony leaned over the bar to catch the bartender’s attention to order a cosmo.</p>
<p>“A cosmo? A little on the nose, isn’t it?” Natasha said. “You know, there’s such a thing as oversell.”</p>
<p>“Girl, I’ve been coming to clubs just like this one since I was a baby gay and had a fake ID,” Tony said. “The guys that these perps have been targeting have been men looking to hook up, the more desperate the better. I’m acting like I’m a single guy pushing thirty that can’t admit I’m not a hot young thing anymore, which means the cosmo is just the right amount of sell.”</p>
<p>“He’s right,” James said, and Tony smiled, vindicated. When the bartender returned with his pink drink in a plastic martini glass, Tony handed him a credit card. “Where in the hell were you hiding that?” James demanded, and Tony smirked.</p>
<p>“You’d be surprised how much I can hide in these shorts,” he said airily, signing the receipt with a quick scrawl and picking up his drink. He moved away from the bar, dodging the crowd without spilling his drink with an ease born of practice.</p>
<p>“Oh, I know <em>exactly </em>what you’re hiding in those shorts,” James said with a low growl, and Tony’s hand tightened on his drink, imagining look that went with that voice, the way James’s eyes would get dark and heavy-lidded, mouth curling suggestively.</p>
<p>“<em>Everyone</em> can tell what you’re hiding in those shorts,” Natasha said. “I’m starting to see why the Captain thought you two needed a third wheel. Focus. Our victims said they were approached by a man with dirty-blond hair and green eyes, medium build and mid-twenties.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know.” Tony sipped his drink and surveyed the dance floor. Starting a month ago, one or two guys a week had been coming in to the 99 claiming that they’d been drugged and robbed at nightclub close to Broadway, waking up on park benches and at bus stops with their wallets stolen and their credit cards maxed out. Attempts to follow the money had so far hit a dead end, so Tony had suggested an undercover operation and Captain Fury had reluctantly agreed. This was the third night they’ve tried to catch this guy, and each night Tony had had fun coming up with a cover story more outlandish than the last. Tonight he was Jacob Lazarus, Instagram Influencer, in town for a social media conference.</p>
<p>“There’s a guy watching you at your seven o’clock,” James said. “But I can’t tell his hair and eye color from here.”</p>
<p>Tony took a minute and let his gaze scan naturally across the club, like any other guy on the prowl on a Saturday night, until he caught a look at the guy James was talking about. When their eyes met, Tony raised an eyebrow and smiled flirtatiously, letting his eyes slide away back to the dancers as he took another sip of his cosmo.</p>
<p>“He’s coming over,” James said. “Good work.”</p>
<p>“I may be out of the game but I still know how it’s played,” Tony said, keeping an eye on the guy out of the corner of his eye as he made his way through the crowd.</p>
<p>“Hey,” a deep voice said in Tony’s ear. Tony turned, acting surprised, and looked up at the man through his eyelashes. “Haven’t seen you here before, and believe me,” the guy said, giving Tony an appreciative once-over, “I would have noticed.”</p>
<p>While James and Natasha groaned in his ear, Tony smiled, pretending to be flattered. It wasn’t the <em>worst</em> pickup line he’d ever heard, but it wasn’t the best, either. This close, Tony could tell that the man fit the general description from the file, but even with the Sarge’s artistic skill, none of the vics could agree on a police sketch for what the perp looked like so Tony was going to have to fish a little more. “I’m just visiting,” he said, speaking loudly so he could be heard over the music. “I was supposed to meet some friends here but they haven’t shown up yet.”</p>
<p>“That’s too bad. Well, I can keep you company until they get here,” the man said with a crooked smile. “My name’s Ben, what’s yours?”</p>
<p>“Jake,” Tony said. He took another sip of his drink and eyed the man over the top of his glass, wondering if he would take the bait.</p>
<p>Sure enough, he saw ‘Ben’s’ eyes go to the half-empty martini glass. “Would you like another drink?” he asked and Tony shrugged.</p>
<p>“Sure. But this cosmo tastes like shit. Can I have a rum and pineapple?” Tony watched Ben’s back on his way to the bar, setting the cosmo down on one of the cocktail tables that were scattered around the club. All of the other vics had been drinking cheap well drinks, where the godawful taste of cheap liquor would mask anything they put in it. With the owner’s permission, they had put in a camera over the bar so they could see if anyone put anything in anyone’s drink tonight. While James watched Tony's back here in the club, Natasha was watching the video feed in the surveillance van.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Natasha said in his earpiece as Ben got the drink and came back, and Tony barely stopped himself from making a face. If this guy wasn't the one who had spiked the victims' drinks, he was going to have to figure out a way to shed this guy without suspicion. The backup plan was always for James to swoop in as the ‘friend’ or the ‘ex,’ whatever story Tony had gone with, to chase off the bad lead, but there was the risk that this maneuver would spook the perps and make them chose an easier target.</p>
<p>“Want to have a seat?” Ben suggested as he came back with Tony’s drink. “Or were you hoping to dance?”</p>
<p>Oh, God no, no dancing. He didn’t want to have this guy’s hands on him or do the whole bump and grind routine; there were limits to what he’d do for this assignment. “Sure, let’s sit.” He figured he would sit, sip, then go to the bathroom and see if this guy slipped anything into his drink while he was gone; if James said he didn’t do anything shady, Tony would just ghost him and hope the guy didn’t get clingy.</p>
<p>It was a sign of how early it was in the night that they actually found an open booth in the back room of the club, farther from the dance floor and playing more trance-y music. Tony took a sip of his new drink and almost spit it out; he’d forgotten just how shitty cheap rum was.  “So what do you do, Ben?” Tony asked, trying to kill time before he ditched this guy. This room was also a bit brighter than the dance floor, and in the light it looked like the guy had pissed off his hair stylist, because that was the shittiest dye job Tony had ever seen.</p>
<p>“I’m in finance,” Ben said, and Tony rolled his eyes internally. Sure, buddy. He took another sip and tried not to grimace at the taste. “You?”</p>
<p>“Well, I-” Tony started to go into his spiel about Instagram when a wave of dizziness came over him. “Whew, this is a strong drink,” Tony said. “Could I have some water?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Ben said. “I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>Tony felt his head get light, and he frowned down at his drink. “James? I think, uh, there's something in this.”</p>
<p>“I’m coming,” James said in his ear. “But I don’t know how he did it, I’ve had my eyes on him the entire time.”</p>
<p>“The bartender,” Natasha said suddenly. “Dammit, the bartender is in on it.”</p>
<p>“Ha,” Tony said woozily. He leaned his head back against the cushion of the booth and stared at the ceiling; he had a feeling if he closed his eyes he would either throw up or fall asleep, and if he did either he’d never hear the end of it from the other detectives. “The guy said he was in finance. Get it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, he was real clever,” James said. He sounded grim and angry, and Tony frowned. Was James mad at him? “Just sit right there, sweetie. We’ll get them.”</p>
<p>“I can help!” Tony started to slid out of the booth but remembered at the last minute that he was wearing his fuck-me heels. He studied them, eyebrows drawing together as he tried to focus. Why was he wearing heels again?</p>
<p>“I’ve got it. You keep an eye out to make sure he doesn’t have any friends.”</p>
<p>“Lookout. Right.” Tony scanned the room, looking for anyone suspicious. After a moment, he closed one eye so that he could focus better and stop seeing double. But no one was acting unusual; well, there were two people in the corner clearly blitzed out on E, and the man checking IDs at the door clearly needed a refresher class in how to spot a fake ID, but that was nothing <em>unusual. </em></p>
<p>Wait. Tony turned his head to see that James had Ben pinned against the bar and was pulling out his cuffs, then looked back at the man who had been staring at them but was now starting to make for the emergency exit. Mouth flattening with determination, Tony levered himself to his feet, wobbling a little, and chased him across the bar.</p>
<p>“Get back here you cheating bastard!” he screeched, vaulting over a booth. Everyone turned to stare at the fleeing man, who froze just long enough from all the attention that Tony was able to reach him before he escaped, slamming him against the wall and wrestling him away from the door as he squirmed to get away. “You’re under arrest for-” Shit, the thought was just there, but it slid out of reach, the slippery bastard. “We’re bringing you in for suspicion of – of being suspicious,” Tony said loudly.</p>
<p>“I got it from here, Tony,” James said gently, putting a hand on Tony’s shoulder and pulling him to the side so he could take over.  Tony nodded, still giving the bad guy a narrow-eyed stare, then sat down heavily on a nearby chair when he got dizzy. “Stay put this time, ok?”</p>
<p>“Sure thing, sugar lips,” Tony said, smiling up at his handsome boyfriend. Look at him, dressed all classy in form-fitting button down shirt that really complimented his eyes and tight jeans that were like, <em>damn</em>. Tonight his hair was half-down and half-up, pulled away from his face in the front but falling in nice waves in the back. He was so sexy Tony wanted to cry. “I love you, James,” he said, throat getting tight from the sudden emotions. “You know that, right? You’re the best man I’ve ever met. I-”</p>
<p>“Oh, Tony, sweetheart. Hang on.” James finished handcuffing the perp and handed him off to a bouncer before coming down to squat in front of Tony. He cupped Tony’s face in his hand, running a thumb over his cheekbone. “This isn’t how I wanted to say it, but I love you, too.”</p>
<p>“You do?”</p>
<p>“Of course I do.” James leaned up and tugged Tony down for a kiss. “I’ve never met anyone who could make me feel as happy to be alive as you do.”</p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Tony hiccupped, and pressed his palms to his eyes like he could physically hold back tears. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” He heard a scrape as James pulled a chair over and sat down, their knees bumping as he scooted closer. Then James was pulling him into the warmth of his body, looping an arm around Tony’s back and letting him bury his face in his neck. Tony slid his hands under James’s shirt to press them against the warm skin of his back and closed his eyes, trying to fight the dizziness.</p>
<p>After a few minutes James said, “Would you still like that water?” and Tony took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to make sure the crying wouldn’t start again. James handed him a glass with a straw in it and Tony chugged it greedily, the icy coldness the best thing he’d ever tasted. When he was done, he pressed the cool glass to his temples, then to his eyes. “How are you feeling?” James asked gently. “Do we need to call a doctor?”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head. “No, I’m just ready to go home.”</p>
<p>“Can’t do that just yet, we gotta process these bastards down at the station,” James said. “And I am not going to leave you alone right now, so you'll have to stick with me.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take care of it,” Natasha said, coming out of nowhere and making Tony jump. “I already got the bartender in the back of a car and tagged Tony’s drinks as evidence. Looks like the bartender was the brains of the operation; he would pick out the targets and the other two would schmooze them until the vic was tripping balls enough to do whatever they wanted him to do.”</p>
<p>“That’s so mean,” Tony frowned. Then his eyes widened. “Does that mean I’ve been drugged? That asshole drugged me?” He struggled to stand, wanting to find the person who drugged him and kick them in the nuts, but James held him back.</p>
<p>“Let’s let the justice system take care of the bad guys, yeah?” James said, and when Tony nodded and subsided he stood, helping Tony to his feet. “Natasha, do you know what they gave him?”</p>
<p>“GHB. He probably got a very mild dose because he didn’t have much of either drink, but he should still let a paramedic take a look.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take care of him,” James said, and the promise in his voice made Tony want to cry again. “Please do whatever you have to tonight and I’ll finish up the rest tomorrow.” Then with his hand on Tony’s elbow, he tried to lead them to the exit but Tony wobbled, balance still off, so instead James stooped and picked him up with one arm behind his back and the other under his knees. “Here we go, sweetheart, I gotcha.”</p>
<p>Tony thought about protesting but didn’t have the energy for it, so he just let his head rest against James’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “My hero.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Oh, God, I can’t believe I did that,” Tony said with a groan, letting his head fall into the pillow of his arms. Clint hit replay on his phone so that everyone at the table could hear Tony say <em>you cheating bastard! </em>one more time.</p>
<p>“Nah, man, it was impressive,” Clint said. His hearing aids must be fritzing because he’d been speaking just a little too loudly all day. “I’ve never seen anyone run and parkour in heels like that. You’ll have to teach me one day.”</p>
<p>“I still don’t understand why you didn’t just take your shoes off,” Sarge said, sticking a fry in his mouth. “We all saw the security cam video, you almost fell over like three times.”</p>
<p>“First of all, I was clearly high as a kite, okay? I wasn't thinking clearly. Second, I can’t say that I would have taken them off anyway, the floors in that place were probably <em>disgusting.</em> Third, those shoes were Louboutins. They cost like a thousand dollars. If I had taken them off they would have been <em>gone.</em>” Head still on the table, Tony snapped his fingers. “We weren’t in no honky-tonk cowboy bar, the guys in there know the value of designer shoes.”</p>
<p>“And that would have been a goddamn crying shame.” James put his arm around Tony and pulled him close to press a kiss on his temple. “I didn’t get to appreciate them that night, but the next night-”</p>
<p>“No! Nope, nuh uh,” Rhodey said, covering his ears with his hands. “No thank you. I’ve walked in on Tony enough while we were roommates in college, I don’t ever need to know anything else about his sex life ever again.”</p>
<p>“Anyway,” Tony said loudly, finally raising his head so he could sit back and lean against James. “That’s not what I meant. I <em>meant</em> I can’t believe I dropped the L-word while I was high, on a mission, and dressed like a ho.”</p>
<p>“Aww, Tony. It was sweet. And flattering. You love me so much it made you cry.” James pressed another kiss to Tony’s temple.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, man,” Clint said dubiously. “I’ve seen Tony cry when the coffee machine broke.”</p>
<p>“Or when the Mars Rover died," Rhodey added.  </p>
<p>"And he proposed to a pizza delivery person once," Natasha put in. </p>
<p>"I hate all of you," Tony announced. He pushed on James's shoulder for him to start sliding out of their usual booth at the diner.  "On that note, James and I are leaving. We have an actual romantic date tonight where I am going to say it again but this time with candlelight and flowers, then we are going to bang loudly enough that you might get a noise complaint."</p>
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